How Do I Return to Life As Usual?

I know it has been awhile since I last posted an update… after things went sideways, I spent some time recovering and I tried to focus more on enjoying the remaining time on my trip instead of updating my site - and I’m happy with that decision. I was truly living in the moment and incredibly grateful for my health.

The last post, I wrote about having to be evacuated out of the Khumbu Valley and whisked way to Kathmandu to a hospital where I received treatment for my high-altitude pulmonary edema. After spedning several days resting and recovering, I slowly started to return to normal, although I still have a cough that might linger for a few more weeks.

Since my plans had been altered, a lot of decisions had to be made quickly - do I stay in Nepal? Do I try to get home sooner? Well - these proved to be difficult and eventually the decision was made to spend the remaining time in Kathmandu and try to make the most of being there. I was able to see some things I hadn’t originally planned on and I was able to have some experiences that I wouldn’t otherwise would have done if I had kept my original itinerary. Even though I didn’t get to base camp, I feel these experiences more than made up for it.

I feel that, despite everything, this trip brought me so much happiness and joy - but it brought me something that was even more important.

Perspective.

That’s not something that is easy to find. I felt with each passing day, I kept finding new meaning in my life. I had to ask myself some hard questions, I had to do some real soul searching and come to some conclusions about where I have been in life and what path it is that I want to follow.

Learning about Buddhism on this trip has been a highlight. I learned about the Four Noble Truths:

The Truth of Suffering (Dukkha): Life inherently includes suffering, pain, dissatisfaction, and impermanence. This includes physical pain, emotional distress, and the general unsatisfactoriness of life.

The Truth of the Cause of Suffering (Samudāya): Suffering is caused by craving, desire, and attachment (tanha), stemming from ignorance. It is the craving for pleasure, existence, or non-existence that leads to dissatisfaction.

The Truth of the Cessation of Suffering (Nirodha): It is possible to end suffering by letting go of craving and attachment. This release or liberation is known as Nirvana.

The Truth of the Path to the Cessation of Suffering (Magga): The way to end suffering is to follow the Noble Eightfold Path, which includes right understanding, thought, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and concentration

How is it that I can apply this to my daily life and live in a way where I seek enlightenment?

That’s the ultimate question.

I’ve been sitting with this for the past few days, and I’m trying to figure out what this all means, but I definitely can feel a shift in my life. I don’t want to carry this suffering with me any longer. For far too long, I have walked a path where I have carried my own pain, and the pain of others, and in the process have lost so much of myself. I have caused suffering for others, I have caused pain, and all I want is to learn how to move forward in a way where I can acknowledge my past and live a future where I seek to walk the noble path.

When I visited the Kopan Monastery, I spent some time with a monk discussing life - I want to be happy again, I want to make others happy, I want to end suffering and learn to live a life where I try to achieve enlightenment.

I want to be a better person.

I am in a place where I am still sorting through all of this, but I know that in time, the answers will reveal themselves. I think the first step comes in acknowledging the mistakes I’ve made - knowing that I am an imperfect person who has always done things with good intentions, but often at times, ignoring other people’s feelings and thoughts. I want to be better. I think if I had taken time to realize this in the moment instead of reacting, I would be walking a different path - but ultimately, I think right now, I am where I need to be. I need to take this as an opportunity to recognize the error of my ways and try to find a way back into the light.

There are a handful of times in life where I have felt like this, but I am not the same person I was 3 weeks ago, and I’m certainly not the same person I was 5 years ago.

So, if there was anything that I learned from this trip, it was that. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity and I know that life will never be the same.